Serendipity

2008-05-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

I have always believed that life is filled with magic and serendipity. I believe that if we open our eyes and heart to the signs, we can be led to all sorts of cool places. But, I had no idea how amazing this concept could be until it happened to me…

So, there are several seemingly unrelated things that have happened in the last year that have culminated in me meeting someone truly amazing. I had to be in the right place at the right time; in the right frame of mind, available and ready to experience something amazing.

The right place involved me accepting a role in A Streetcar Named Desire at the Playhouse Merced. By the time the auditions for Streetcar rolled around I had already done three prominent roles in five months. I was beginning to burn out, I was neglecting my real job, I was drinking too much and not sleeping enough; in short I needed a break to regroup and get my life into order. So, when Rob the director of Streetcar asked me if I would be interested in the part of Mitch, I told him thank you but I can’t. I actually rebuffed Rob a couple of times before he wore me down and I told him I would look at the part and let him know. I looked at the role and it was a great opportunity for me to do some serious acting and show my range. So, I accepted the role and began the rehearsal process. It turned out to be the best show I had done so far that season.

Around the time that I was trying to decide whether or not to accept the role of Mitch in Streetcar, I was also spending a lot of time on eHarmony.com. eHarmony is a dating website that matches people together based upon their responses to several questionnaires. It was an interesting experience that resulted in a couple of dates. The problem that I had with eHarmony was that it paired me up with women who live at least an hour away from Merced, where I live. I meet several nice women but the thought of carrying on a relationship with someone so far away did not appeal to me. It was this thought process that led me to get on to MySpace one night and run a search for single women between the ages of 28 – 33 in the Merced area. I looked a few profiles, and even saw one that seemed like she would be an interesting person to meet. But, in the end I could not imagine sending a message to someone I didn’t know and trying to strike up a friendship.

Now, back to A Streetcar Named Desire…on Thursday, March 13th 2008 we began the last weekend of our three week run. I was tired, we had hit the bar for karaoke the night before, and then I had turned around and went to work early the next morning. So, my plan for the evening was to go to bed as soon as I got out of the show. I had even made sure that I was not properly dressed to go out just in case I needed an excuse to bow out of an invitation.

So, after the show I change out of my costume and we all get ready to go. Luckily everyone seems to be on the same page about wanting to get some sleep; everyone except Regan who was going to go have a drink with a coworker who had come to see the show. As we all walked out to the parking lot Regan’s coworker walked up. Regan introduced us, her name was Tonya, and she was cute. I contemplated going to have a drink with them, but my plan of not being properly dressed prevented me from going. I declined the invitation and walked to my car.
As I began to pull out of the parking lot, the name Tonya bounced around in my head. Tonya…why did she seem so familiar? I knew that I had never met her before but still she struck some chord in my brain. Then, bits of information began to bubble up from my subconscious…I knew that she worked at UC Merced because Regan worked at UC Merced. I knew that she had recently moved to Merced from …somewhere near the Bay area…Tracy? Huh…I knew that she used to work for a newspaper… ”how the heck do I know that…” I thought to myself.

I was not sure how I knew Tonya, but I did know that I would be a fool to pass up this opportunity. I raced home and as I drove it occurred to me that the only place that I could have gotten all of this biographical information from was MySpace. When I got home I tried to find her on MySpace again but could not in the five minute window I gave myself. I needed to get back to the bar and meet up with Regan and Tonya. I put on a fresh shirt, brushed my teeth, and fixed my hair. I raced back to the bar, wondering how I was going to explain my change of heart (and change of apparel). I figure that I would just walk in and “happen upon them”. I parked my car near Tonya’s and walked around to the front of the bar hoping that I could find them. As I walked in Tonya saw me and I asked if I could sit with them. They welcomed me and I sat. After a minute, Regan asked if we wanted anything from the bar and left Tonya and I alone.

I took the opportunity of having Tonya alone to tell her that I felt like I knew her and that I figured it might be from MySpace. I assured her that I was not a stalker and she laughed…good sign. She said that she felt like she knew me from somewhere…good sign. Regan returned with drinks and the three of us sat and talked for the next hour. Tonya told Regan that she would share some recipes with her via email and I took the opportunity to ask if I could get some of the recipes too. Regan said she would forward them, but Tonya said she could send them to me directly; which led to us exchanging email addresses.

As midnight rolled around, the three of us decided to head home. Tonya and I walked Regan to her car and then I walk Tonya to her car. I told her that I had really enjoyed meeting her and that I would go home and look for her on MySpace now that we had established that I must be her stalker. (laugh)

After we say our goodbyes, I drive home and promptly find her on MySpace using the email address she gave me and add her as one of my friends. I also attach a message reiterating how nice it was to meet her. And then I went to bed happy.

2008-04-09T13:57:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my 34th birthday last month. 34 may not seem like a major milestone but in the back of my head it was a slight concern whether or not I would survive past the age of 33. You see several significant people died at the age of 33. Jesus Christ was 33 when he was crucified. John Belushi and Bruce Lee, two influential figures in my upbringing died at age 33. The list also includes Chris Farley, Karen Carpenter, Bon Scott - the original lead singer for AC/DC, Sam Cooke, and even Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli fame died at 33.

Although I did not die in my 33rd year, I did experience a kind of rebirth. It was March 16th 2007 when I decided that I needed to change my life. My mom and I decided to begin walking a three mile loop around Bear Creek in Merced. That was the first step in a process of diet and exercise that would lead me to be 50 pounds lighter a year later. I began going to the gym and now I am leaner and much more muscle mass. That metamorphosis has given me more confidence and I feel healthier than I have in a long time.

The other part of my "rebirth" is that I split from my wife of 9 years, Melba. For a long time I had felt that our marriage was not what I had envisioned a marriage to be. In many ways we were good roommates and helped each other achieve some of our goals but our relationship lacked passion and affection. So last May when I returned from Lester's bachelor party in San Luis Obispo, Melba said that she has been thinking and she had come to the conclusion that she didn't want to have children. She said she knew that I did want o have children and that she did not want to hold me back from the opportunity to become a father.

This revalation sparked two responses in me. First of all, it gave me the opportunity to walk away from our marriage in a clean fashion without hurt feelings or animosity. Second, it struck me odd that all of a sudden Melba had this level of conviction to say that she did not want to have children after several years of trying. We had once gotten pregnant but lost the baby after nine weeks. She brought this up mentioning that perhaps it was for the best.

Still, the level of conviction Melba had struck me as odd. Melba had been acting increasingly different over the past few months. So, I decided to investigate and found out that she was in love with another man. Oddly, this fact did not hurt my feelings but rather made it much easier to walk away with out having to worry about hurting her feelings. I was free to leave the relationship without looking back.

Ironically, Melba is now pregnant with this other man's baby and they are set to be married in June. I am extremely happy for them, mainly because it has allowed me to be in the right place at the right time to meet the woman who I think I am truly meant to be with. But that is another story that is coming soon.

So, I lost weight, became more healthy, got divorced, moved out on my own for the first time in my life, learned to be independant, dated a few women, grew, matured and rediscovered joy in my life.

In August, I returned to the theater after taking a five year break from it. My first show was Oklahoma where I reprised my role as Jud Frye. Next was Annie Get Your Gun where I played Charlie Davenport, one of the secondary lead characters. After that was Crazy For You, where I played a couple of characters to great acclaim. Then I did A Streetcar Named Desire, which I had not really wanted to participate in, but the artistic director, Rob Hypes, asked me if I would audition. I relented a couple of times before finally agreeing to do it. Boy am I glad that I did.

Nerds and Dorks

Serendipity